Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
