I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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