Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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