My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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