Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
