dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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