i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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