my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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