Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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