last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
