so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
