My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
