I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
