eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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