This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We are all done wearing pants today
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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