Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize