She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
