Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
