u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dear god my vagina.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
