Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
