it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
