My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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