Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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