Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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