You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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