They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
