Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.