dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.