Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.