Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar