I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
