call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.