i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
