If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
3 2 1 whiskey
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
