Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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