Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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