so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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