thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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