I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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