You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
