My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up under a house in Key West
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
