Welp...herpes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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