Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
