i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
