he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the night ended with taco bell and tears
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
