Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
