after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
