some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
