a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
