i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
