I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
