Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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