3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
