the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
