I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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