we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
