I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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