My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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