Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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