Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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