He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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