Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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