Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
