would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Semen is not good for contacts.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
